When I first moved abroad to Paris it was not at all a pleasant experience or anything like I had of hoped.  Firstly I got off to a very bad start, (I was actually hit by a car as I crossed the road – but that’s a whole other story here). Having backpacked around the world twice and having lived in London and Sydney, I thought I had this in the bag.

However I was completely knocked front, back and side ways by the emotional impact that being and living as an expat had on me.  There was just too much going on for me to try and handle all at the same time.  Certain challenges and case scenarios left me completely stressed, overwhelmed and deflated. Firstly I had to heal from the accident both emotionally and physically, then I was dealing with having a very ill father and being so far away from him and the rest of my family, on top of that I was adjusting to being in a new relationship with a man I just met and was now suddenly living with, I was learning the language and trying my hardest to adapt to both city life and the french culture.

Bit by bit my confidence started to evaporate and I started really loosing myself.  I kept questioning myself as to whether or not I’d made the right decision in sacrificing everything I knew to now be completely thrown into the unknown and way out of my comfort zone. I no longer had any work to get up for each morning, which made me feel so un-purposeful and insignificant in the world. I often felt frustrated, vulnerable and stupid, as I was unable to communicate my needs and then felt ashamed unable to speak fluently and run simple errands.  I realised I was trying my dame hardest to change myself as a person to be able to fit into my new life abroad, to fit into my partners life and his friends, to the whole city way of life (I had been raised on an island), and to fit in with the culture. But no matter how hard I tried I just never felt like I belonged there. I felt very lonely and isolated going through this whole transition and became super co-dependant on my boyfriend (how dangerously un-healthy that was), relying on him for my only bit of happiness, (after all he was the only reason I was there right? And what a huge amount of pressure that was on him), and how hard that was for me not to resent him.

Obviously this also puts a massive strain on the relationship with my partner, who only wished for me to be happy, and the pressure I felt to be happy and sorted with my new life was just another immense issue on top of everything else. I felt like I wasn’t able to share my concerns, fears and struggles with him because I felt like a complete failure.

Each day I would rise with a sense that my life was meaningless and I was going no-where with my future. I felt trapped and hopeless because I felt I had no opportunity to be able to work in either my previous industry of real estate or my part-time life coaching/ therapy work which was where my real passion laid.  This was a huge pill to swallow considering that in my hometown I’d been a very successful real estate agent, owned my own apt, convertible and was a very independent strong career driven woman. I just knew my life was destined for more and I desperately craved to earn my own money and job title again.  I felt stuck and fearful of the choice I had made, which was to follow love and live abroad, however why did it make me feel resentful towards my partner and tearful almost all the time. Each day I battled and battled with my inner thinking and emotions which often did get the better of me. This was when I suddenly without realising went into a major depressive state. I decided for the sake of my sanity, and the relationship, it was best that I throw in the towel and move back home to my comfort zone.

Back home in no time at all I was able to get myself up and running again and beat depression. I got a great job as a Property Manager for a well-established company and was earning my own money again which was the most important thing to me (at least I thought). I shared a flat with an old college friend and overall I genuinely felt like I was back to my old self. Although I had my job title back, status, purpose, significance, financial freedom, family and friends close by, something major was missing. Yup obviously my boyfriend, but more importantly the number one value in my life – LOVE. It took 8 months of having a long distant relationship for me to realise this, and that we definitely had a future together, the problem was, where?!

It was decided that we needed plan B as a place to live and re-start our life together, (as I’d also realised I actually really didn’t like living in Paris at all). I don’t know if you’re familiar with “The Secret” but we both were and started putting it out there to the universe to offer us a solution. My boyfriend was a rocket scientist so his field of work was pretty rare and limited, so when he got head hunted to go manage a new company within the space sector back in his home country of Italy, he and I both jumped at the chance. Milan was our next destination to set up life.

Having learnt what I had from my previous experience in Paris, I came to Milan with a whole new perspective  and mindset for my new life abroad as an expat.  This time I came better equipped and prepared for the culture shock, homesickness, identity crisis, and most importantly on a mission to really make a life for myself (in-dependant of my boyfriend), and that I enjoy living no matter if on foreign land.

How I did that was with a lot of self-love, self-coaching, and a bag full of tools and techniques which I’d love to share with you through my newsletters, blogs and courses.  If you’re keen to know more, then please subscribe now, and become part of my expat community, who have access to some other great inspiring stories, advice and tools to utilise in making their transition and life as an expat as smooth as possible.

I look forward to welcoming you.

Love and Light.
Noelia